Sunday, March 22, 2009

Where Do All The Doubts Come From?

I went to church today and I looked around at all the people and I wondered.......are you having doubts? I seem to have a ton. I wondered what I am doing wrong. What happened to the faith I had 4 years ago? Where did it go? How come they are all so sure and I can't seem to find anything to hold on to?
I keep asking God to speak to me like He use to. I keep listening for His voice but I must have cronic stuffed ears. I miss the peace I once knew. I will continue to listen. It will happen in God's time not mine. I know this. I trust this. Please......

Sunday, March 15, 2009

All My LIfe

It seems I have spent all my life wishing I could be better or richer or whatever. Today, I heard a sermon that really hit home. Our pastor had a heart attack back in Dec. Today was his first time back in the pulpit since that time. He wanted to share some things that he had found out while this took place. He talked about four things but it was the last thing that got me. He talked about John 21:18-22. Jesus has come back to the disciples and he tells Peter of his future(which is to be crucified) Peter wants to know about another disciple and Jesus says "What is that to you? You follow me." What I understand of that is this: It doesn't matter going on with someone else. I have to keep myself straight with my Heavenly Father. It doesn't mean that I don't care about other people...........I just have to concentrate more on how I am acting and what I am doing. There is the challenge. En guard..........touche!

Totally Awesome

That is what she a nutshell. With the economy the way it is, here is a 68 year old grandmother of 24 trying to reinvent herself so she can make a living. She has had to learn new technology, new vocabulary( which she still can't spell........neither can I for that matter), using new types of fabric or other things and come up with different approaches to old ideas. Yet she does.
This past week, I watched her create a "zine" which is a mini magazine (limited edition-20 copies). She wrote an interesting article, put in three new patterns, got an interview from a fellow creator and did several drawings. She got it printed and assembled. It is quite fun. She also had a speaking engagement over in Portland. She thought it was at 830am so we got up early and drove over only to find it was at 9am. Her talk was to fabric shop owners and it was great. She was informative, funny, and totally delightful.
I have heard her speak a number of time lately but this was the best yet. She definately can hold an audience. I am proud of my sister. I am grateful that I can do things to make her life easier like driving her to her gigs when they are close to home. She is truely a dragon tamer.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Doing Something Good But For The Wrong Reason

Somehow I always get it wrong. I want to do good things but my reasons are not always honest. I want to be noticed. I want people to like me and admire me. I want to be appreciated.
My great niece, Ellie, is doing something really special. She is helping get children in Uganda off the streets and into safe and healthy enviornments. She and her friend, Heidi have started a foundation called Peace For Paul. I wanted to help so I gave some money to sponser a child named Bosco. I was upset because I wa not mentioned in their newsletter. What a dumb thing. It is not about me. It is about a sweet kid named Bosco who is now in a safe home and going to school. Who cares who gives the money? It is about the child. I need to get my priorities staight. Better not to have anyone know at all. I am glad I was able to help Bosco. I apologize for not doing it right but I will try from now on.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Where Are The Memories?

It is strange but I have a hard time remembering my father. I can hear my mother's voice as clear as a bell but not my father's. I know we did things together and I remember a lot of them but still there is a gap. My dad was an intellegent man. He loved nature and the beauty of the earth. He loved the sea.
He loved being a service, making things better, making use of people's talents. Did he need to be validated as much as I do? Or was he ok with just knowing that he had done something good? I have always admired my dad. I just wish I could hear his voice sometimes.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

She Trusted Me And I Blew It

This past Friday, Elinor and I went to Oregon. She had a teaching gig and we had to leave early on Friday because it took two hours to reach this town. The town was near Corvalis. Although we rushed around on Friday, I had plenty of time to tell someone( namely Thomas ) to feed Cashew on Friday. I managed to tell John(his brother) and Maureen but I didn't talk to Thomas. Neither did John or Maureen.
I don't blame them. John had been really sick this past week and Maureen had other things to deal with. Cashew is my child and it was my responsibility to make sure she was taken care of.
When we got home on Saturday, I was met with the most plantive cry I have ever heard. She had NO food and NO water. Her box had not been cleaned. She had tried to claw open her dry food bag but hadn't succeeded. Thank goodness, we were only gone one night. She is a forgiving little beasty but I still feel bad. So she got lots of lovin' and I am trying to forgive myself.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I might have been a mermaid in another life

My cousin, Margaret, did a really great thing for me. She put all our old slides on a disc and now I can see all these old pictures of my childhood and my parents and friends. It is a hoot. Thanks,Marg.
This is me on my way to a birthday party at our neighbors, the Enrights. It was Erica's birthday and she was having a costume party so I went as a mermaid. I think Elinor made this for me. I know it had a tail. Carefree days. I have often wondered what happened to the Enrights. Oh well.