Saturday, March 27, 2010


I have been hiding. This is only my fourth entry this month. For some reason, I haven't wanted to write and now I have lost my main reader. Hopefully, she will find me again. I miss her comments.
I am continuing my homework. I still hate looking at the mirror but I do it. It is an interesting journey but I am through with hiding for now. Bring up the lights.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Truely Freaked

This morning, I was dozing and I dreamed I heard the doorbell. Then I woke up. I recorded this because I am suppose to keep track of my dreams. Then I did my homework which is to affirm that God loves me and I love me too. Then I read my scripture. It was 1Samuel 16:7.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I am not invisable to God

I have been trying something different lately. A friend of Elinor's is a Love and Logic Instructor and a Educational Kinesiology Consultant. What that translates into is someone who works with the mind, the body and the spirit. She believes that if you are not right with God, you can not be right at all, in anything.
I have not felt right with God. I have felt like I was invisable. Imagine being as big as I am and feeling invisable? So we are working to change the way I think about myself. I have never liked me and I have never felt that anyone else could. Many wonderful people have told me this isn't true but I never really believed them. I have never felt that I have measured up. I have spent 61 years thinking this way so changing my thinking is not going to be easy but nothing else seems to work. So for the next two weeks, I must tell myself that I am not so bad. Remember, this is someone who HATES changes but I will give it my best effort. We shall see. One thing I can believe in is that God does see me and He does love me for me.

Monday, March 1, 2010

A Blessing

Last night, I received a blessing from two of Elinor's church. Elinor and I had decided to diet which is something we do not like doing. Actually, I am the one who decided to try this diet and Elinor was supporting me. Bad decision! I hate diets and the thought of going on one made me so angry and depressed that it was doomed before we even started. Elinor prayed about it and she agreed. She felt we needed some extra help so she asked her teacher if he would give us a blessing.
The Mormans are very generous and they agreed to give me one too. So last night, two of the Priesthood came over and anointed us with oil and asked God to help us make better decisions in our eating habits. They asked the Lord to make us stronger in our resolve and to give us courage to take each day one day at a time. Basically, what we have done is step three in OA which is to turn the matter over to God.
It was a lovely feeling and although I know I still have to be the one to do the work, it is nice to have the extra ammo. Thanks, God and thanks to the Priesthood.